A Comedy of Errors

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2006-02-08
adventures in franglais

17:15

Joyeaux anniversaire, mon p�re! Enjoy those horse divers (hors d'oeuvres).

My friend, we'll call her Marie, is dating a French guy, let's call him Jean. Today, she walked into my office and asked, "How would you like to practice your French?" I thought she meant translate something for her, but no, it was to call Jean's mother and tell her (the mother) to call Jean. Marie can call internationally from her phone, but Jean cannot, so Jean had asked Marie to call his mom for him. It was a matter of some urgency. He tried to tell her what to say, but she couldn't remember and wanted me to talk to Maman.

I have a weird hang-up when it comes to languages, especially French. I'm dying to improve and practice, but I'm embarrassed to the point of ridiculousness to speak it. But, well, I can at least say "Hello, this is Marie's friend, please call your son" in French. So, I figured, what the heck. She dials then hands me the phone. Everyone else in my office has stopped what they were doing to watch me struggle with the international phone call. I'm sitting there, nervous as anything. The following conversation ensues, much to the amusement of everyone around.

"Allo?" a female voice answers. Some mumbling in French. "Allo? The phone wasn't working, so I had to change it," the voice says in French. Then, in English, "How are you? How is it going?"
I'm thinking, wait a minute, I thought that his mother couldn't speak any English. The voice continues, "This is Jean's sister."
"Oh, okay. And you speak English?" My officemates are turning red from suppressed laughter. They are thoroughly enjoying this.
"Yes," she laughs, "but not very well."
"That's okay," I reply, in French, "I speak French very badly."
"No worries!" She exclaims in French, laughing. She continues in English, "English is okay. We can try. So how are you?" She obviously recognized the number, and thinks that I'm Marie.
"Actually, I am Marie's friend. She wanted me to call because I speak a little French. But I'll give you to her now and she can explain." I practically throw the phone back at Marie who takes it and walks out of the room.

Cue laughter.

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